Picture This

Once again Friday night is upon us and as per usual, I'm doing my darnedest to be non-productive, or at least relatively so.

My usual Friday evening consists of chilling in my favorite lazy girl chair, sipping a few rye & cokes and maybe reading or listening to some tunes and playing various forms of mind numbing games or some such mindless drivel. Tonight though, I've wound up being somewhat productive, in a lazy sort of way.

I've just spent the last 4 hours 'stealing' pictures of my family off of their facebook sites. Now I'm not just doing this on a whim, although I have to admit it's been kind of cool checking out every ones pics.

Quite a few months ago now I picked up a few things in a rather neat store that Krystal introduced me to in St Thomas. One plaque that I bought to hang over our bed reads "And They Lived Happily Ever After". I liked the sentiment and at some point I would like to add some 4x6 wedding pictures underneath it. Not just mine and Wayne's, but all of the family ones too.

The other plaque that I bought says "All Because Two People Fell In Love". Right when I saw it, I knew what I would do with it. I would hang it over a collage frame filled with pictures of my children and their spouses, along with pictures of all of the grandkids. Lets see 5 children (with spouses), 15 grandkids, that makes 21 pictures.

No problem, right? Wrong! Do you know how hard it's been to find 21 pictures that I like? I have hundreds, if not thousands of pictures. Too bad they are either of scenery or are way out of date for what I want to do. Even my digital pictures don't quite fill the bill, or the frame for that matter. I've been getting razed about the pictures that are in the frame ever since I hung it up in the front hall. I have great pictures in it. Too bad they're the pictures that were in the frame when I bought it.

Okay, how to get more recent photos of everyone without having to take them all myself. That's where Facebook comes in. I got the idea last week to browse everyones photos and find some that would work in my frame. That way I should be able to get them cropped, printed off and in the frame before Easter. I have a photo printer upstairs and lots of paper, so that's not a problem. I even have spare ink cartridges for the printer. Okay, now I just need to organize myself to get this done.

Tonight turned out to be the night to start my quest. I have to admit that my kids all have great pics posted and I spent the evening oohing and aahhing over lots of them and downloading probably 3 - 6 pictures of each and everyone in my family, with one exception. I cannot for the life of me find a picture of Aaron that's not at least 3 years old. The only newer pictures of him are group shots, where I could not even crop him out. Or some taken last Halloween where he is dressed up as Super Mario. I know this kid exists cause I just saw him in February at Lily's birthday party. Maybe he's a vampire and his photo can't be taken. Hmmm...

What to do? Print off an older picture of Aaron and pretend that he's a lot younger than he really is. Print off an extra picture of Aidan (one from about 2 years ago) and pretend that it's him. They do look an awful lot alike. Draw a picture of him (note to self - learn to draw first). Put a big A with a question mark over it. Okay, maybe the best option would be to email Krystal and have her send me a few pictures of Aaron that I could use.

Well, I've interrupted my blogging for a few minutes to send Krystal a message, so hopefully I won't have to resort to the other options. I'll keep you posted and maybe if I can find a way to do a slide show on here, I`ll share the family with all of you.

Sundays Should Be Longer

Once more Sunday is winding down to slowly disappear into the beginning of a new work week. Why is it that what is probably my favorite day of the week has only 24 hours, just like all of the other days? I'm sure that most people I know would agree that if we could take just 1 or 2 hours away from Monday to Friday and add them to Sunday it would be wonderful. Just think how nice it would be to have a 25 or 34 hour day once a week. Whether you spend Sunday at worship, visiting family or friends, enjoying a well prepared dinner, going for a drive (if you can afford the gas nowadays), or just lazing around the house, it seems to be the one day of the week that has it's own sense of calm around it. Growing up, we attended Sunday Mass in the morning and would often visit my aunts and uncles or grandparents in the afternoon. There would always be a big dinner, roast beef with all the trimmings usually, and then TV in the evening. I grew up with The Ed Sullivan Show and was allowed to stay up an extra hour to watch Bonanza, as long as my homework was done before hand and I was in my pj's. My kids grew up with the big Sunday dinner as well, but rarely the Sunday church service and not usually the drive and family visits. Sunday in the 70's and 80's was the day the beds were changed and laundry sorted and started. It was always bath night and clean pj's. And often mad quests to finish the homework that had been put off since Friday. I still made the big dinner on Sundays for a number of years after the kids grew up and moved out. Someone would usually show up looking for mom's home cooking so I never had to worry about having too many leftovers. Somewhere along the line though that stopped. Sunday's for Wayne and I now mean leaving around 8 am for the two Giant Tiger stores and window cleaning, grocery shopping and a gas/cigarette run to the reserve. Home again around 1 and a lazy afternoon of reading, the Internet or maybe a movie on TV, or best of all the afternoon nap. Many afternoons I have sat down to read for half an hour, only to snooze off and wake up 2 or 3 hours later feeling much refreshed. An easy supper followed by a quiet evening seems to be the norm now, I even try to do family get-togethers on Saturdays, just so I can be lazy on Sundays. We all rush around Monday to Friday trying to cram in work, family and housework. Saturdays are usually spent in a mad flurry of shopping or cleaning, but Sundays just seem to slow down and gently meander along until it's time to go to bed, knowing that in just a few hours it will all start again. Well it's off to bed soon, but Sunday will be back again in just 6 days.

Shop Till You Drop

Yay, I spent a wonderful day doing one of my favorite activities - SHOPPING!!! Like most women, it must be genetic, I love to shop. I also have daughters who love to shop. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a rather large, unwieldy family who tend to be constantly having birthdays, which translates into lots of shopping for birthday gifts. For the last few years I have simplified my life by gifting my children, their spouses and the older grandchildren with gift cards instead of frenzied shopping for the impossible - "The Perfect Gift". It makes sense to me and they all seem to enjoy getting a gift card whether it be for a restaurant, movie night, Michaels, Wal-Mart or even Home Depot or Lowes. Especially since our family has birthdays in clumps. January has 2 including mine, but Zak & Jess, the Christmas kids, have always been celebrated in January. February just has one while March has three. April has always been rather crowded with four, but one of those was mom's. May has two plus Mother's day. June has three, plus Fathers Day. July has a whopping six and after this year will probably be seven, but Shawn is the lone August celebrant. September has 6, including my brother-in-law, two nephews and my aunt. October has three and they're all in the same week. November only has one and December has the two on the 23rd and 24th that get held over to January. I've probably missed a few in there, some of them are by reminder only. Anyway you look at it, even with picking up gift cards, that's still a lot of shopping. This year when March birthdays rolled around, I decided to get creative with my daughter-in-law Tracy and my daughter Carrie's gifts and made them personalized gift certificates good for a day of shopping, pampering or whatever they chose with me. Carrie's was a little bit more specific than Tracy's though. I volunteered to take her for a shopping spree at Michael's. In the past, I have gotten both Carrie and Krystal gift cards for Michael's, but this year I took pity on Craig and would take Carrie myself. Let me tell you, shopping in a craft store with my daughter is an experience. Being given a spending limit, we both entered the wonderful world of Michael's armed with shopping carts and visions of future creations dancing in our heads. I knew that Carrie would be lost in scrap booking heaven, so I proceeded to explore other areas first. I filled my cart with new silk flowers for spring arrangements and neat beads to accent my summer tees and tanks. I'm not a fast shopper by any means, when there are so many riches to explore, but Carrie has me beat hands down. I'm not sure of the exact time, but I'm thinking close to two hours were spent prowling the aisles, lusting after possible acquisitions and making final decisions. Needless to say, we both came out of there with loads of loot. Then it was grab a quick bite to eat and a much needed beverage and head over to one of my all time favorite stores - Indigo. I'm not just a reader, I'm a Voracious Reader. I don't merely read books, I consume them. Last weekend while out with Wayne, we had stopped in Indigo and I found a much discounted and very desirable gardening book which I just had to have. After sharing my wonderful find with two of my friends, I was back to pick up one of these wonderful books for each of them. Now for anyone who reads as much as I do, it is impossible to go into a book store, pick up the book that you came in for, pay and leave. You must scour the shelves, stacks and tables for any new books that you might have missed in the past. I had stumbled across an interesting book last week about the Dark History of the Kings and Queens of England that looked quite interesting and seeing as they had only one copy left, just had to have it. Then while browsing, I spotted a book about Piracy that just had to be bought. While Carrie was off exploring cookbooks, I happened upon a book about England during WWII that caught my eye. It turned out that the author of this book, Edith's War, was doing a book signing and after we chatted for a bit, I just couldn't pass up the chance of a book, not only on a topic of interest to me, but one that I could have autographed as well. By this point I am carrying 5 books, weighing about 30 pounds, the 2 gardening books that I had come in for weigh about 10 pounds each, and set off to find Carrie who is at the opposite end of the store searching out the desired cookbook that she wanted. After much searching, it proved to be not available at that particular location, but could be had in Burlington. Not being one to give up a good quest, it was trek to the car, onto the expressway and off to Burlington. Upon arrival in Burlington, I told Carrie that I really shouldn't be allowed to buy any more books for myself, that we would just pick up her book and be off. Yeah, right. Carrie managed to find her hearts desire fairly easily, but being my daughter, still had to stop and browse on the way to the checkout. Along the way, I managed to get into the gravitational pull of yet another book. Needless to say, I am now the proud owner of a wonderful cookbook of Indian Cuisine. Other than Krystal and Troy, who don't live close enough to stop in for many meals, I am the only one in the family who loves curry. Go figure, I'll be lusting after Butter Chicken, Tika Masali, Naan, and Samosas wondering when I will ever get to try making these wondrous taste sensations for some time. Our little shopping excursion had now taken about five hours and a very full car. Do I regret spending my day off shopping? Hell no! I enjoyed myself enormously not only for getting to spend the day with my daughter, but for the chance to expand my creativity and to fill my mind with new sources of knowledge and enjoyment. After a winter of work both at home and at Capo, it was a great way to enjoy a wonderful early spring day. Now I wonder where Tracy and I will end up?

Talk About Procratinating!

Once again, I owe it all to Laurel.

I spotted a post my talented daughter made on Facebook this week regarding her blog. Now when I started my blog, it was because of Laurel. I figured that after all if she could start a blog and share with the world, so could I. So after much angst, (translation - procrastination) I set up my own blog - Gramstunes. Needless to say I was off to a great start and then slowly my posts dwindled away. In part, I can put it off to the feeling that no one was reading them anyway, so why bother. Okay, so the larger part is I am known for starting lots of things and finishing few.

Tonight I looked at Laurel's blog, read her new posts and some of her old ones and then looked back over all of my old posts and decided that I still want to do this. In fact I need to do this! After reading my old posts, I realized that whether anyone reads them or not, I'm blogging for me and if no one else ever reads them, it's their loss, not mine.

I read back over old memories and I liked what I read. I must have, 'cause I laughed and cried and remembered and I think that's what this is all about. I also read the comments that were left and realized that my writing was appreciated by others.

When I was about 11 or 12, I kept a diary. God, I wish I knew whatever happened to it. I know my mother found it and read it once and whatever I had written managed to get me in lots of trouble, but it's long gone and so is what I wrote about that I thought was important at that moment in time.

I think that is what this blog needs to be for me. A diary of what I think is important enough to remember at any given point in time. I would like to say that I will write something everyday, but I know myself well enough that time will slip away from me and at some future date I will be starting over once again. But that's all right. The point is to keep on starting over. Just because you stop doing something for a while, doesn't mean that it has to be over forever. Besides I have lots to share, even if I'm just sharing with myself.

So once again I'm starting over. I'm going to try to post even just a few words every day, but for sure I will try to recap my week, probably on Friday nights. After all Friday nights are my time. I can stay up later, have a drink (or two) if I want, listen to some tunes and try to put it all in perspective - my week, my life, my family, my world as I know it. Maybe sometimes, some of you will stop in for a visit, but even if you don't, I'll be here.

How do you say goodbye?

Well, like always, it's been a long time since I've posted. I'm proud of my blog & I wish I spent more time on it.

Last weekend Wayne & I were at Krystal and Troy's in St Thomas for a performance of the Tartan Terrors. Thanks to K & T for the best birthday present I've had in a long time, tickets for the show and by getting there extra early, seats in the Flash Zone. Okay, so seats in the Flash Zone when the show is in a church is just a little different, but I still appreciated them. Aub & Leandra and my sis Gail were there as well and Krystal & Troy were good enough to put us all up for the night. Considering that aside from Wayne & Troy, we don't know what it means to go to bed at a reasonable time, poor Yoshi, who was on babysitting detail, got a taste of his insane Aunt's, Uncle & Gramma.

The reason I mentioned last weekend, was that I logged onto my blog so my son Aub could get a taste of his mother's poor attempts at writing. He was impressed, but probably would have got more out of it if he was sober. I don't really care, I write for me and if anyone has the time to browse this endeavor of mine I thank them for their patience. I just wish I got more comments, 'cause maybe that would encourage me to write more.

So, "How do you say goodbye?" That might seem like a rather obtuse title for a blog, but I have my reasons.

For anyone who knows me or who has read some of my past posts, you will know that I am a child of divorce. Now today that is pretty common, but back when I was 13, 40 years ago in 1968, it wasn't quite so normal.

My parents married in 1946 after only knowing each other for 3 months. Back then marriage came before sex, for the most part anyway. Maybe if they had bedded each other first, they never would have married. Needless to say, after 21 years, 3 months and 18 days, my parents separated. My dad had been seeing Kay, the other woman, for a few years at that point. Her husband 'found out' and dad & Kay decided that the time had come to make the big move.

I don't hold grudges. My mother still talks about when dad left "us". Not her, but me too. I was an innocent bystander in all of this. Yes dad left mom, and knowing her like I do now, I can't say as I blame him. And do you know what? They both did better without each other! Dad left me, but only as collateral damage. If I had said "Dad, I want to go and live with you." he would have taken me in a minute and so would have Kay. I would have been a completely different person. I wouldn't have been pregnant and married at 15. I wouldn't have had 5 kids by the time I was 23 and I probably wouldn't have 12 grandkids now. So who's to say my life would have been better. My life is what I've made it and for the most part I love it.

So back to "How do you say goodbye?". Actually, I'm pretty good at this. I left home at 15 and got married. I forced my first husband to leave after some pretty nasty physical fights. I've experienced my children leaving home, returning and leaving again. Wayne thinks maybe we need a revolving door or else stop giving them keys! I've left jobs and moved to different parts of Hamilton more times than I can count. So what's so hard about saying goodbye?

There's all different kinds of goodbyes. There's the one that's said when you know you'll see or talk to someone soon, often the next day. There's the kind that I said to Krystal & Troy and their kids when they lived in Manitoba and we would go for a visit and I knew it would be a year or more until I saw them again. There's the goodbye that you say everyday to just about anybody that doesn't really mean squat. Then there's the last goodbye. The one that no one want's to think about. Saying goodbye to someone you really love for the last time. Finis. All done and no take backs. The last goodbye.

Just after Christmas, Kay had to rush dad to the hospital 'cause he couldn't breathe. They did x-rays and diagnosed pneumonia, but also booked an appointment with the Cancer Clinic. Now the pneumonia wasn't such a big shock. I had it the start of December and we had a Christmas Pot Luck on December 15th with everyone here, so dad could have caught it from me, even though I was supposed to be all better by then. So I got the call from Kay about dad being sick and having to go for cancer tests and I worried a little bit and put it aside. After the first round of tests that came back inconclusive, we all let our guard down. Dad & Kay rebooked their trip to Cuba that had been cancelled due to his health. The doctor's report appeared to be negative and we kind of laughed at the circumstances. Dad couldn't possibly have cancer. He was active and no where near old enough to be sick.

A week and a half ago the other shoe dropped. Dad had to go for a biopsy. This past Monday I got a call saying that the results were in. Cancer of the Lung. Okay, dad is strong and healthy. He's more than willing to have a lung or part of one removed. He'll do radiation, but really doesn't want to do chemo because of the side effects. Dad and Kay came over on Tuesday evening so I could print some pictures of their euchre team off for them. We talked a little about the cancer thing, but it was pretty positive.

When I came home from work on Thursday there was a message from dad to call him right away. I think I knew even before I placed the call. The cancer is inoperable. The doctor's are giving him a year. He's going to try chemo even though he know's it won't make the cancer go away. It might just give him a little more time. He know's that there are 2 of his grandkids getting married in the next year. Laurel gets married this September and Aub gets married next May. He has greatgrandchild number 13 due this October. So suffice it to say that dad still has unfinished business to take care of. So do I.

For the last 40 years, my mother has taken great delight in reminding me that my father hasn't done enough for me. After all she was the one who was always there with a care package when we needed it. She was the one who made sure that the kids had any clothes that they needed. She was the one that was always there with a hand out if I was strapped for cash. Now don't get me wrong, I greatly appreciate what she has done for me and mine. If I added up all that I owe her, I would probably have to give her all of my pays for a year to get caught up. But she's wrong.

My dad has been there for me. He was the one who did repairs on our house on East Bend, back in the Art days, that caused him to slice his hand open and have to take time off work. He was the one who dragged my back from Toronto when I couldn't handle my life anymore (3 kids under 4 with a drunk for a husband). He was the one who drove me to the hospital when Shawn was being born. He was the one who took me, Art and all 5 kids to Florida in 1983 as our Christmas gift. He was the one I called when Art beat the shit out of me and I had to go to the hospital. He was the one who helped Wayne and I move 2 households of furniture in a cube van. He was the one who offered me part time bartending work at the hall whenever there were rentals. And he was the one who hired me to bartend evenings at Club 107 after Wayne & I had bought our house and I stood the chance of getting laid off from my fulltime job. I worked for dad for a year and a half bartending and I never did get laid off from Capo. And the thing that dad did the best. He let me live my own life!!! I didn't have dad and Kay over for Christmas, birthdays, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Easter and Thanksgiving. They spent those holidays alone or with Stan and Marnie or maybe Mel and Teresa. While mom alternated between living her life and trying to run mine, my dad stood back. He let me be me.

I wish I could go back 40 years and change things, but I can't. I'm 53 years old and I'm still Daddy's Little Girl. I know in the next year I will have to be strong. I've always been the strong one. Wayne is wonderful. He keeps telling me to let my guard down. My answer to this is that I have built up a big, strong wall around myself to keep from getting hurt and even though I know I have to let it crumble a little, I'm still not ready to be hurt.

My goal for tonight has been to stay up and drink and think and hopefully cry. Well so far I've stayed up late, drank and thought but I still haven't been able to cry. Maybe you'll cry a few tears for me. I'ld like that. Even if you don't shed a few tears, think about me, and if you know how to say goodbye, please let me know.

Anne

Egads It's March!!!!

Okay, so it's March already and my last post was in January, what else is new?

Well around here, not a hell of a lot. Sorry for the rather harsh words, but this winter has been a bit much. Am I overstepping to say that I am totally sick of snow and cold? I didn't think so, but you never know.

Anyway, here it is another snowy weekend. I was hoping to get a bit of shopping, etc done for Laurel's wedding, but that depends on tomorrows snow fall.

I am not surviving this winter well. I know that I mentioned earlier that Wayne threw his back out way back in October, well guess who is still off work? Yah, you got it. Wayne is still off and his back is not getting any better, if anything it's getting worse.

I've been the strong one since I was 13 and my parents split up. I'm tired. I don't want to be the strong one anymore, but if I don't, who will take over for me?

I've lived on minimal funds for most of my life. I do it well. That doesn't mean that I want to keep on doing it. I would love to be looked after for once.

At 53 years of age, I want the good things of life. You know, retirement, being looked after (because you're soooo old), Not trying to figure out how to pay the bills, put food on the table, be upbeat and be both the best employee going as well as Super Wife & Mother.

Wayne and I had a good long talk/visit tonight. Considering that I have had more than my share of Rye and coke since I got home from word, that is a major accomplishment.

It mostly boiled down to faith. How things happen for a reason, even if we don't know what the reason is.

So, guess what? I need somebody to make me feel better. You know, more in charge. Womebody who will make me feel better. Someone who will be in charge of me. Soon would be good.

Anne to some,
Mom to others

On Old Friends>>>

As I know most of you are, I too am a Facebook member.

I thought the idea of a blog was pretty cool and then I heard all about Facebook. Now, I'm not as young and cool as some of you, but I thought that I too needed to expose myself to the world in another way.

Now don't get me wrong, I think Facebook is a really neat idea, but it's just another way of getting stupid messages that you have to pass on to your very favorite 30 best friends in the next 5 minutes or the world as you know it will come to an end.

Sure it's neat getting all of those drinks passed on to you and having an aquarium or garden that your friends can add things too, but it isn't really all it's cracked up to be.

Yes I like getting posts on my Wall from my friends and family. Yes, it's nice to be able to keep in touch with people that you don't get to see very often, like my friend Martin. One of the best aspects of Facebook is being able to see and share pictures of friends that you might never get to see in other ways. But I was really starting to get the feeling that I was missing out on something somehow? That all changed on January 15th.

I always check my emails before I go to work in the morning, as soon as I get home from work and again before I go to bed. On this past Tuesday there was a message from Facebook from a person who thought they might know me from way back when.

Now I've got messages from people who thought they might know me before, but most times it's from someone that I've never heard of before. This time was different.

Here's what I saw:

Hi Anne Marie I hope it's you. I was just going through all the Scott Park people and caught your name. Hope you can remember way back to us being buddies and sleep overs at your house on Barnesdale. We boiled your Zebra fish in the bathtub cause we didn't check the water temp! Your Dad was an HSR driver. I've often wondered about you and how you were. Barb

Way back in 1964 I started a new school in grade 4. Barbara W was in my class and lived just over a block away from me. We became good friends and the last I remember seeing her was in 1970. I've thought about her many times in the last 38 years, but never knew how to get in touch with her.

In the last few days we have exchanged posts about our lives, marriages, families and old memories. Now I know what Facebook is all about!

I know from my daughters that Facebook has been a great way to find and get in touch with old friends. Okay for you under 30's and even under 40's it's been wonderful.

I know from my grandkids that it's a great way to pass on 'stuff' to all your bff's as well as being a way to stay under mom's radar!

But for us, dare I say it, over 50's, it's not all it's cracked up to be! When you check on your high school and have to scroll back almost 35 years to your graduating class, it's just a little discouraging. Then when you go to your graduating year you find all of 11 people doesn't it make your wonder, where did we all go? I think most of us are still alive. We must be, because who else would be supporting all of these 30 somethings that are still living at home? When do we more mature Kids get to play and have fun if we can't find our friends?

Dare I say it. Maybe we over 50's should band together and create a "Wrinkled Facebook".

I think it just might work. At least we wouldn't feel so left out. And just maybe we could find different things to exchange on Facebook. You know, Who has the best over 50's discounts; What movies will make some sense to me and Have you heard what will be a good retirement home within the next 10 years.

Okay so all joking aside. I would really like to connect with more of my old friends from school and old neighbors and maybe even some long lost cousins that I don't even remember that I have. So one of the things that I'm going to do is post my blogsite on my Facebook page and maybe that will help me to reach others. And if not, how do I go about setting up "Wrinkled Facebook"?

Anne