My Mom's Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

Okay, so I'm a little late posting this. My mom's birthday was April 19th. She turned 82! So let's all say Happy Birthday to Reta G.

Don't worry, I didn't totally forget her. I gave her a call on her birthday and the monthly family party is on Saturday. Like everyone else in our family, mom has to share her party with other family members. That's just the curse of having a large family. Our April birthdays consist of my son-in-law Craig, my grandson Colin, mom and my daughter Laurel, but this is just about Mom.

Reta Mary Anne Williams was born on April 19th, 1925 to Carrie & Jake Williams who were both Native. My grandmother was Onadaga and my grandfather was Tuscarora. She was their first child, although my grandmother had a son from her first husband and my grandfather had 2 children from his first wife.

Mom has always had lots of stories to tell of her childhood - some good and some not so good. She grew up during the depression and knows all about doing without. My grandfather worked as a foreman on farms in Southern Ontario, so they never lacked for food or a roof over their heads. However mom was expected to pitch in and help form a very young age.

One of the stories she tells is of having to cook a hot lunch on a wood stove for her family and the farm hands while watching her younger sister, my Aunt Dolly. She set the chimney on fire! While we would never even think of leaving a nine year old in charge of a 5 year old sibling, let alone having to cook a meal on a woodstove, that is the way things were then and I'm sure she got in a lot of trouble for not opening the chimney damper. I would challenge anyone reading this to cook a meal on a woodstove now and see how you manage.

Mom remembers her grandparents coming to visit at Christmas in a horse drawn sleigh! She insists to this day that when she heard Santa's sleigh and reindeer complete with sleigh bells one Christmas on the roof that her older half brother, my Uncle Jack, had something to do with it. To his dying day, Uncle Jack denied any part of it.

Clothes were washed by hand with water drawn from the well, or in the winter from melted snow. Sad irons were heated up on the wood stove and everything was ironed. I mean everything, not just clothes but bed sheets, pillow cases and tea towels. No automatic washers and dryers back then, let alone perma press.

When supper was cooking, a large kettle of water was put on the stove to heat to wash the dishes and being the oldest girl mom was expected to get up and clear the table and do the dishes as soon as meals were finished. Heaven help her if her father had to tell her to get to work!

No central heating back then. Mom remembers all to well waking up in a freezing cold house to my grandfather starting the fire. No running water. The crock that held drinking water would have a layer of ice on the top in the morning and that was in the house. No indoor plumbing. The outhouse was in the backyard and there would be a pail in the house to use during the night. Think about how cold it would be going to the outhouse to do your 'business', let alone having to empty and clean out the pail that was in the house. In the summer you had to watch for snakes in the outhouse, so you always had to 'check the hole' before you sat down! Now why any respectable snake would want to hang out in an outhouse hole is beyond me, but that was a favorite hide out of snakes.

Mom left school part way through grade 8. She was needed to help out with the work at home. By the time she was 15, she had a job in a canning factory. A 'Big Night Out' for mom was going into Hamilton on Saturday afternoon and maybe going to a show and for ice cream afterwards. Her favorite flavor even now is Vanilla.

She was engaged at 18 to a soldier, but she sent the ring back in a chocolate box. I think she ate the chocolates first though.

Mom was 21 when she met my dad while working at E.D. Smith's canning factory. They married after dating for only 3 months on November 30th, 1946. Due to some physical problems my mother was unable to conceive until she had 2 surgeries. I was born in 1955. By then my mom also was having marriage problems.

My father has always had a fair bit of wanderlust in him, so our family moved a lot. From the time they married, they lived in Fruitland, Hamilton, Stratford, Mallorytown, Brockville, Sept Iles Quebec and North Bay. My mom always wanted to be near her family, so in 1962 we moved back to Hamilton. They had separated in 1954 and again in 1961. In 1968 the separated for good. Not only did my father like to move around a lot, he also had a wandering eye when it came to other women.

From the time they married, my mother had worked at various jobs. Canning factories, house cleaning, grape vine tying in the spring and fruit picking in the summer and fall. After they separated, she went back to factory work. For any of you who have never done factory work, I can only say that you don't know how lucky you are. I remember when mom working at Ware's Foods packing jello powder and coming home and washing her hair. You could tell what flavor they were packing by what colour the water was.

Mom started dating an old family friend, Carl Gerard, late in 1968. They had known each other since the early 50's when Carl and my dad worked together. Carl had been divorced since the early 60's and along with his 2 children lived with his parents. They married July 25th, 1972.

Mom continued working until due to health problems she had to retire in 1980. After Carl retired in 1987, they spent 6 months of the year in Florida for 10 years. In 2000 they sold the house that they had lived in for 30 years and bought a smaller house. By that time mom could no longer drive due to health problems. She has been a hard time accepting her limitations in the last few years and now will tell you that she's not as young as she used to be and can't do what she once could.

Family has always been very important to mom. She was Nanny Trixie (that name came from the family dog) to my kids and is Cookie Nanny to her great grandchildren, due to the fact that she always has cookies for them. She still talks to her sister, my Aunt Dolly, at least once a day and is currently looking forward to her grandson's stag and doe next Saturday and his wedding in June as well as Carl's grandson Matthew's wedding in May. Knowing my mother as I do, she will be up dancing at least once or twice at each of these occasions. From one child and 2 stepchildren mom has wound up with 7 grandchildren and their partners, and 14 great grandchildren and yes she buys for all of us at Christmas and birthdays.

I could go on for hours telling you some of my mother's stories and I'm sure I will tell you more of them in time. However, for now I just want to say that I was blessed with a very loving mother who has had to take a lot in stride in the last 82 years. I know I speak for all of our family when I say that God blessed us all with this wonderful person that I call MOM.

Mom, May God Bless and Keep You for many years to come. We all love you more than we can ever say.

Your Daughter

Anne Marie

Doing What I Like Best

It's just after midnight. Wayne, Beau and Percy have gone off to bed for the night. I have the computer to myself. Now what to do with myself?

That's not such a hard question to answer. Load up a data disc of downloaded music that no one wants to listen to but me and play some tunes. Tonight it's some oldies. Music from the 60's. Frank Sinatra, Al Martino, Englebert Humperdink and of course some country. Merle Haggard, Roger Miller, John Conlee, Johnny Cash and a few other country classics of course. Make myself a drink, rye and coke for those who don't know me well, sit back and enjoy.

I value my time alone. After all I was an only child until I was 14. I listen to 'my music' and remember...

I was a little girl when we lived in Mallorytown and Brockville, circa 1958 - 1960, and my parents and their friends would get together and party. If the party wasn't at our house, I was often brought along and being a good girl would curl up on a couch or spare bed and listen to the party - music, laughter, talking and dream about being old enough to be a part of it all.

We moved back to Hamilton in 1962. My mother's family were all around here. I remember parties with Uncle Jack and Auntie Audrey, Sybil and Elmer, Stan and Thelma and my parents. There were others too I'm sure, but these people are the ones I remember. I didn't always get to go along to these parties, but one of Sybil and Elmer's daughters would babysit me and we would watch Hamilton's version of bandstand on TV. It was taped on Friday night at a studio in downtown Hamilton and aired on Saturday night. Sometimes Phyllis or Helen, my babysitters, would have been there and I would look for them on my tv. Other times my cousin Tommy, who I later called John and now Jack, would babysit me. Being 9 years older than I am, he was the closest I had to a brother at that time. I remember he would let me stay up until the cars pulled into our driveway, and then I would have to run upstairs to bed and pretend to be asleep. I still wished I was old enough to join the party though.

My mother's mother Carrie Williams, who I called Gramma Rock and who I named my younges afer, also liked to have a good time. I can remember her with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other dancing to the music at family get togethers. I have a plaque that says 'Your never to old to dance in the kitchen or kiss for no reason' that always makes me think of Gramma.

My parents separated in March of 1968. Mom started dating Carl, a divorced friend of 15 plus years, just before Christmas that same year. Carl loves country music. I got to listen to more of the old tunes as well as some newer ones. I remember when the album Folsom Prison by Johnny Cash was released. It was played over and over again in our house. Of course I'm sure you all remember 'A Boy Named Sue'. Charlie Pride was the best country musician when he came along, as far as mom and Carl were concerned. Nary a Friday or Saturday night went by when they weren't at the Avon Hotel, the Brittania House or one of the other Country bars in our city.

When Art and I married in 1970 mom and Carl hired a band for our wedding reception - Cliff John and the Tennesse River Boys, and of course they were country all the way. Art was just as much of a country fan as I was. Our wedding song was Crystal Chandeliers and I had the honor of being sung to by my new husband at our reception. The song - Please Release Me. That should have told me something then, shouldn't it? It had finally happened. I got to be a part of the party. Not just a listener to the wonderful country music anymore, but actually getting to be a part of it. I think I know how Cinderella felt at the ball.

I spent the next 16 years listening to Country Music and so did my kids. Laurel and Krystal I'm sure you both remember playing pretend and being 'Loretta and Conway'. Krystal I know you remember coming back from Dunville with Russell and singing along to Elvira. Then I know that both my mom and Carl remember going to see Strictly Country. A favorite local band that started out as just one person - Gary Nobes. He later added another guitarest Larry and then Neil. We were loyal fans and on more than one New Years Eve, after the Vienna House, where they played closed at 1:30 am, we would go back to Gary's house for a party. I remember coming home after 9:00 am on New Years Day after partying from 6:00 pm the night before.

I have always had a love of music. Not just country music, but rock and roll, jazz, blues, alternative, International and even classical. I've sang in 3 choirs as a first soprano and nothing is more thrilling to me than hitting a note that I think is above my range. I learned to play piano at 10 and took lessons for 3 years before quitting. I went back for two years with my grandson Yoshi (Josh) and own a 100 year old upright grand piano that I haven't played for over a year. I really must get back to that soon. My record/tape/cd collection is extremely varied and depending on the mood I'm in you could come in to country, gospel, bluegrass, classic rock, folk or heavy metal. I love to sing along with the car radio. In fact that's what I do best when my 20 minute drive home takes 2 hours in a snow storm. When travelling, Wayne and I sing old tv theme songs, old 50's and 60's songs and whatever else we can come up with.

When I hear an old song, it brings back memories. Not just of my childhood, but of my children's growing years as well. Laurel was into Donna Fargo at age 2, Rick Springsteen, Grease, Fame, Michael Jackson, Madonna and many others. Krystal has always shared her sister's love of all kinds of music, but her favorite musician now is her husband Troy. Aubrey is a bigger Beatles fan than I had ever been and can tell you more about them than you probably would ever want to know. Shawn has his faves too, but he keeps them more to himself. Carrie likes to listen to music and so does her husband Craig. We had an 80's hit weekend here over Easter and I don't think there wasn't a song that I heard that didn't bring back a memory of one kind or another.

When my granddaughter Emzee (Emily) was baptized, the anthem we sang was called "I was There to Hear Your Borning Cry". I was and everytime I sing or hear this hymm I cry. The words are beautiful and hold much meaning to me. My friend Dorthy always crys whenever we sing "I, the Lord of Sea and Sky (Here I am Lord)". This hymm was sung at her grandchilds first communion.

I believe that music is a gift from God. Whether we are listening to it or singing it. The bible tells us to lift our voices to the heavens. I hope you will do just that. It doesn't matter what the music is, our gift of appreciation is from God as is the gift of our voices. Go ahead. Sing the songs that you love, the songs you remember and that bring back memories to you.

By the way, I owe this post to Laurel and the song by Belinda Carlisle that she posted today. It made me remember ...

Luv and sing loud so all can hear

Anne

Collie Mac is 1 today

I'm going to try to do something very different for me. I'm going to try to not have run on for once in my life.

Happy 1st Birthday Colin. Gramma's Collie Mac is one today. It seems like just yesterday that your mom, dad and I were at the hospital waiting for you to be born.

After being your mom's coach when both of your brothers were born, I felt I was prepared for your 'coming out party', but you had to be different. Deciding at the last minute that you were going to be unconventional and not just turning around, but ending up on a diagonal gave us all a very different experience.

Mommy was more than prepared to give birth in the conventional manner, daddy was all set to watch you come out and gramma was more than ready to take her place by mommy's side giving support, guidance and lots of love to all who needed it. Mommy was not happy to hear the words 'caesarean section'. Daddy went from nervous to down right scared. Gramma took a deep breath and said, 'I'll be there for you if you want me to be'.

Sitting outside the delivery room while mommy was being prepped gave me time to think about this. Can I really do it? Can I be strong for your mommy? Do I want to see you being born? The answer to all of these questions was YES!!! It was an experience for all of us. I got to see birth from a completely different angle and yes I took pictures as you were being lifted out for all to see. You were and still are beautiful. In fact the picture of me on this blog is actually of the 2 of us just shortly after you were born.

Collie, Gramma loves you and wishes you a very Happy First Birthday.

Luv Gramma Anne

How Strange Our Families Are

Anyone who knows me, knows that I come from a very inclusive family. If you come to more than one of our family functions, you are automatically a member. Being an only child until I was 14, this was pretty cool. My mother especially, adopted strays into our family. I've noticed this more in the last 30 years or so. I know a lot of my family history on both of my parents sides, as well as my steps. I even know a fair bit of my first husbands family history.

However Wayne comes from a very different family. Being my best friend's brother, I knew his mother and father, Ruth and her family and one niece. Wayne has a very limited family history. His parents met during the second world war. His father was married when he met Wayne's mother. Harry had 3 children with his first wife, Phyllis, Kenny & Cathy. He divorced his wife and married Edith, Wayne and Ruth's mother. Wayne's mom had almost no family history that we know of. Her parents divorced and her mother died when Edith was in her late teens. We know she came from Peterborough and have tried to trace her life there, with little success. Harry was born in Blackpool, England and as a young boy was brought to Canada by his mother along with his brother Roy and sister Peg. When Grandmother Croley arrived here she changed their last name. We think it was originally Sams, Sims or something like that. We have no idea why this happened or where the name Croley came from.

Ruth was born in 1953, Wayne was born in 1958. Wayne has memories of his Aunt Peg, but after she passed away, there was virtually no contact with her husband or children. Uncle Roy was not a favorite of Wayne's. Apparently he had a bit of control over Wayne's dad, but not always in his best interests. Wayne has no memories of his grandmother.

There was some contact with Harry's two oldest children, Phyllis and Kenny, but almost none with Cathy. Wayne was born an uncle, his father being 10 years or more older than his mother and Wayne being a change of life baby. I tease him often, and tell him that he might as well have been raised by grandparents with a mother who was 45(?) and a father of 55(?) when he was born.

Family history, that in my family was a familiar and comfortable topic of conversation, was never mentioned in the Croley household. Wayne did not know his parents had another son, Donny, until Wayne was 19. Born blind, Donny was put into care before Wayne was born. He was never mentioned. Wayne was 17 when his father went into Sunnybrook Hospital, and 21 when his father passed on. I had met Wayne's father on a number of occasions and he was a very reticent person. I knew Edith, Wayne's mom, a lot better. She was a wonderful woman who loved her family with all her heart. In 1980 she suffered from a major stroke. At the time both Wayne and his mom were living with his sister Ruth and her family. She stayed with them until she finally had to go into a nursing home, where she passed away in 1984. Wayne lost both of his parents by the time he was 25.

Over the years we have spent less and less time with Wayne's sister Ruth and her family. Although Ruth's children and mine grew up together and she had been my best friend for years, we have drifted apart. We live in the same city, yet seldom even call, let alone get together.

Wayne's half brother, Kenny, passed on 2 years ago. We got the call that he only had a few days left and Wayne was fortunate enough to get a chance to see him before he died. At the funeral there were the usual promises to get together more often and to stay in touch. As often happens, these promises were quickly forgotten.

Tuesday evening we got another phone call, this time from Wayne's nephew Jeramie. Phyllis had only a few days left to live. The oldest of the siblings, she is an Alzheimers victim who lives with her daughter Pat in Waterford. We haven't seen her since Kenny's funeral.

Although there is little familial closeness there, she is Wayne's sister. I'm hoping that we can get to see her over the next few days, while we still can.

They say that still waters run deep. That describes Wayne to a tee. He might be a quiet person who doesn't always say what is on his mind, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel. He has been even more quiet that usual the last 2 days. Knowing him as I do, I know he is visiting his regrets. We all have them, some of us more than others. It pains me to see him this way. He knows he can't change the past. He wants to change the future. He also knows that wanting and doing are two very different things.

I think that most of us take our families for granted. I know that I do. I love my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and especially my children and grandchildren. I have been very lucky. I lost my last grandparent when I was 32. My children have 4 grandparents still living, and my oldest daughter will be 36 this month. I was 12 when my last great-grandparent died. My grandchildren still have 4 great-grandparents and my oldest biological grandchild is 13. My mother turns 82 on April 19th and my father turns 80 on May 14th. I am 52. My mother's father passed away when she was 32 and her mother when mom was 44. My dad was 49 when he lost his father and 60 when his mother died. I still have most of my aunts and uncles. My grandson Aidan, who is almost 7, thinks that Nanny Cookie, my mom, is soooo old. My mom and step-father see a lot of my children and grandchildren and make sure that there are always presents at Christmas, Easter and birthdays. This Sunday, Easter, there will be a full house of 4 generations of my family here to celebrate the risen Lord, along with much chocolate.

Please do me a favor. Share as much of your family history as you can with your children and grandchildren. Sharing with nieces and nephews won't hurt either. Try to keep your family alive for the future generations. Tell them the stories that you heard when you were young. Laugh at the stories of what your parents and grandparents did and God willing, someday in the future your descendents will laugh at stories about you. Trust me, you don't want to have the regrets that Wayne does.

With Love and Optimism

Always

Anne