Anyone who knows me either knows my 'kids' or knows of them. This post is dedicated to Shawn.
Shawn Andrew Whalen was born on August 4th, 1976. Not bad considering my due date was June 16th! My doctor let me go 1 month past my original due date before admitting me to be induced. My ob decided not to induce because my baby was breech. After spending a day in x-ray and ultrasound, and comparing my previous babies birth weights, Dr Lamotte decided I was somewhere between 36 & 44 weeks pregnant and I should wait until August 15th!!! At that time if I had not gone into labor he would probably perform a cesearean section. My family doctor told me to walk, a lot! My father figured I would probably go into labor and deliver on one of Hamilton's streets (my first 3 births occured fairly quickly, although I was overdue with both of my first 2).
On August 4th my husband came home from work at 4 pm and I declared it to be my nap time. A few days before I had experienced a lot of discomfort, that I would later find out that was Shawn turning around. I woke up around 6 pm and went to the bathroom. Anyone who has ever been pregnant knows that that is your second home by the end of your pregnancy. After 3 or 4 minutes, I realized that more than my bladder was emptying. My water had broken! I went downstairs and called my doctor, who since it was a Friday was away for the weekend. The on call would call me back shortly. Art answered the phone when it rang. "Hello. Dr. Who? Oh, Dr. Yu! My wife's water has broken. No, not her first child, her fourth. Well her other labors were pretty quick. Okay, we'll meet you at the hospital."
Next comes the phone calls to family. We did not have a car at the time so it went something like this. Art calls his dad to take us to the hospital and asks his mother and sister if they can watch the other three. My father in law picks us all up. We drop the kids off at their house and proceed to the hospital. I'm admitted at 7:30 pm. By 10:30 I'm just about ready to scream with the pains. I have not yet been given an epidurmal. I ring for the nurse who has a doctor check me. I am told that I would probably not deliver for at least another 12 hours and I was no where near ready for any pain relief. After the doctor leaves and I resign myself to a long wait, a nurse comes in and checks my next contraction. She tells me to hang on and comes back in a few minutes with another doctor who checks me and arranges for the epidural. By the time the epidural is hooked up Dr Yu has arrived and I am wheeled into delivery. Shawn is born at 11:20 pm. Don't ever believe doctors when they tell you that you will be hours yet!
At 8lbs 1oz, Shawn was not a tiny baby. My family doctor finally decided that I was proababy due mid July and that Shawn was 2 or 3 weeks late. If you know Shawn, you will recognize this as a pattern that would be repeated throughout his life. Shawn was a wonderful baby, then he learned to crawl. While not quite as bad as his older sister Krystal, he was definately a handful. Shawn has always questioned limits. By nine months, he knew that he was not allowed to play with my rubber tree. If he crawled over to it and I saw him, all I had to do was shake my head no and he would crawl away. However, if I did not see him the poor rubber tree was fair game. That poor plant was repotted at least once a day, until it finally gave up and died. Shawn however did not give up.
At the age of 1, he was brought home by the police for wandering up to King Street. Now granted this was just a half a block away from our house. He had followed his big sister to the store, unbeknownst to her. By the next summer we were living in a townhouse survey. I had had Carrie by then and keeping track of Shawn was definately a problem. He would let himself out of the front door and go to the playground with his brother and sisters. This wouldn't have been too bad, Laurel being the oldest was very responsible and would keep a close eye on him, except that Shawn would leave a trail of clothes and diapers wherever he had been. Locked doors never kept him in. If he wanted out, he just unlocked the door when I wasn't looking and left.
When Shawn was 3 we bought a house on Maplewood Avenue near Gage Park. The first 6 weeks there were definately different. There was a bus stop almost directly in front of our house. My father was a bus driver who at the time was driving the route that stopped in front of our house. One day as he went to pull away from the stop, my dad realized that Shawn had gotten on the bus by the back door! Fortunately my dad was the driver and just brought him to our door. I always wondered if he had gotten on another bus, how long it would have been before the driver realized that there was a little boy on his bus all alone.
There was also a corner store a block and a half from our house. Now this was something totally new to Shawn. I had taken the kids to the store a few times and let them buy a treat. One afternoon, I hear a knock at the door. Upon opening the door, I see one of the young guys who works at the store and Shawn. He asks me if this child belongs to me. I say yes. He then asks me if this $20.00 bill also belongs to me. Apparently Shawn had gone into the store, put the $20.00 on the counter and when asked what he wanted, said 'CANDY!!!". At three years old he was driving me crazy.
At two Shawn had been diagnosed with a heart murmer. My doctor reassured me that Shawn would be fine as long as he didn't overexert himself. I asked if it would be okay to tie him up, because Shawn didn't stop from the time he woke up until he went to bed at night.
When Shawn started school I asked my doctor if he could be tested for hyperactivity. My doctor said that he was a normal boy! That was easy for him to say. He didn't have to chase him like I did.
When Shawn was in grade 1, I was asked if I could make him do his work in school. I told the teacher, that if she didn't mind me standing behind his desk all day, everyday and repeatedly telling him to do his work I would be more that glad to help. Otherwise, it was entirely up to her.
In grade 4 Shawn had the perfect teacher. Now you don't find too many nuns teaching anymore, but Shawn had one them. She was the perfect teacher for him. Recognizing that he just wanted attention, she bargained with him. 'Shawn, if you have all your work done this morning, you can stay in at lunch time and help me.' The problem child was tamed. After hearing that it was hard to grade Shawn because he never completed his work and therefore the teachers had no idea what he really knew, we were told that Shawn was very intelligent. He had an excellant head for numbers, and while his spelling was atrocious, his knew his work. Grade 5 was a completely different story.
Art and split up in October of 1986. We had just moved and the 3 youngest were in a new school. Neither of the boys fared very well. I was told by Aubrey's grade 7 teacher that he would probably be able to handle basic levels in high school. He later graduated from an advanced level. Shawn fared even worse. At 10, he was a scrawny little runt. His younger sister could take him in a fair fight, and she did on more than one occasion. I can still see Carrie taking a flying leap at Shawn. Tackling him to the ground. Wrapping her little fingers around his neck and pounding his head into the floor. Shawn was all mouth. He didn't care how big or how old the other kid was, he would instigate a fight. In school he was even worse. He managed to reduce his teacher to tears on quite a few occasions. He was obstinate, and would only do things that he wanted to do. Here's a sample of disruptive behavior in class. Shawn at his desk tapping his pencil while the teacher is talking. "Shawn. Put your pencil down." Pencil dropped to the floor. " Shawn. Pick that up now." Pick up pencil and go back to tapping it. How do you deal with a student like that? Murder must have crossed her mind. I know it sometimes crossed mine!
Lets skip ahead a little bit. 1988, I'm now with Wayne. Wayne enrolls in a karate class and takes Shawn with him. Now Shawn has played hockey since he was 5 and is a good player, when he wants to be. Karate is not an easy skill. Shawn lasts for a few months, but even though he has quit, it has taught him a few things about discipline and self worth.
Shawn graduates from grade 8 after once again having a teacher who understands him. Mr Hamza knows how to deal with Shawn. Act up in class - spend time in the hall at a desk where there is no one to impress. Shawn even asked Mr Hamza to be his sponsor for confirmation into the church. Shawn got an early start at high school by taking a summer school course in grade 9 French. However, true to form the first semester of grade 9 sees more than one suspension for absences at Boys Cathedral. After attending Boys Cathedral, Delta and Scott Park High Schools, Shawn finally drops out. All of his teachers say that he is a good student, when he is there.
Shawn never did understand what a locked door meant. In grade 7 and 8, he would go to a friends after school on Friday, and maybe show up at home on Sunday night. I've lost track of how many times I reported him missing to the police. When he was 15, his cousin Justin died in a tragic accident. Shawn was unconsoleable. The two cousins shared a brain, as we often said. Shawn was supposed to be at the party that Justin was at that night, but he had ran into an old friend and spent the Friday night with him instead. To this day Shawn believe's that if he had been with Justin he never would have died. I have often wondered if it would have been Shawn that would have been killed instead!
At 21, Shawn moved in with his big sister Laurel to help her out with her son Joshua. Shawn has always been the best Uncle that any child could ever want. From the day Josh was born, when Shawn was 17, he was always there for him. Any of Shawn's friends who have kids know what he's like. For someone who hasn't always been responsible for himself, he is always there for any child. Whenever his sisters couldn't take a babysitting job, Shawn would always volunteer. It didn't matter to him how old the child was, Shawn just loves kids.
As much as Shawn loves the little ones, he loves his grandparents more. After my dad retired from the HSR, he was the manager of the Local 107 Social Club. I worked for him as a bartender and so did Laurel. Shawn worked for him as a bouncer. There used to be "band nights" in the upstairs hall and it was Shawn's responsibility to make sure no alcohol was taken out of the bar area and that no fights broke out. Nanny and Poppa Carl are still his biggest fans. Shawn cuts their grass, weeds their gardens and when Poppa was in the hospital last summer, planted tomato plants for Carl so they would be there when he came home.
For many years Shawn has said that he would never marry or have children. In his words, "I'm not responsible for myself, how can I be responsible for anyone else." Then he met Tracy. I have often said that if I could have went out and picked a woman for my son, it would have been Tracy. A wonderful, kind, considerate, loving yet firm woman, she is everything that he needs. Tracy has 3 children from her first marriage, that Shawn treats as his own. As much as he hated being disciplined, he is very strict with Tracy's children. He is also very considerate, kind, loving, fun and treats them as if they were his own. I have a picture of Shawn and Tracy at Carrie's wedding in 2005 and even though Shawn had not yet proposed to Tracy, you can see the love between them just by the look on their faces.
We all laugh at what a mush Shawn is. When Tracy first started working as a Personal Support Care Worker she often needed directions on how to get to her clients. Shawn would come down and use our computer to check map quest. He would write out the directions for Tracy something like this. "When you get to such and such a street turn right, the side that your right hand man sits on."
On June 23rd of this year Shawn and Tracy are getting married. We have already been through the Stag & Doe and Bridal Shower. My heart is filled with joy and also some sadness that my little 'duckie' is all grown up.
By the way, Shawn's nickname of 'Duckie' goes back to 1985 when he first played baseball at Mahoney Park. Darlene Ryckman gave him this nickname after seeing him run the bases. As Darlene said, "He better be a good hitter, because he runs like a duck."
I love you Duckie
Mom
